Is time a barrier for you?

In anticipation of turning twenty-five I have been evaluating my achievements. By the time I was twenty-five I had set goals that I hoped to be working towards or had achieved. By the time I was thirty I wanted to have solidified these goals and made headway into other milestones. Upon analysing my life, I realised I had not fully done what I set out to achieve by the time I was twenty- five. I felt like a failure.

At some moments throughout this year I felt this failing feeling was a dark cloud over me. Sometimes I would feel I had lost this dark cloud. I was happy, I was doing okay. But the shadow of this dark cloud was always following me, where ever I would go or whatever I would I be doing, finding a way to rise above me again. In these moments my inner critic relished. It rejoiced with delight as, having the foundation of my perceived failure it could now point out every flaw within me. Causing me to spin within negative thought cycles of hopelessness and despair.

Being the type of individual I am, I had to understand why not meeting these goals was troubling me. I realised that it linked to the high expectations I set myself throughout my life. These expectations were an amalgamation of what I felt others expected of me and what I expected for myself. These inner self-standards governed every aspect of my life. Taking one example, I can see this clearly within my formal schooling years. When I was in high school I always put this immense pressure on myself to do well. On one hand, this was because my mum wanted me to perform really well in school so, that I could make something of myself. As, she missed the opportunity to complete her education and have a career. This instilled a sense of ambition within me. On the other hand, I was always attracted to this quality of intellect. I always wanted to and had to be this smart person. Because of these factors, I had to perform well in school. Not getting the grades I wanted jeopardized all these factors that formed my values, leading to feelings of immense disappointment.

Within these high self-standards, I attached specific time barriers. Not meeting my goals within these time barriers was causing me distress.When I examined the reality of each goal alongside my expectations my inner critic began to relinquish its hold. I looked at the actions I had been and currently taking and weighed them against each goal. Even though some things had not gone smoothly, I realised I was still doing something about it. I am not a failure! I began to understand if I envisaged getting from a to b, then it was not always going to be an easy swift movement. Sometimes to get from a to b there are fluctuations, bends, turns and unexpected road blocks. And you know what? That is completely okay.

In my mind I had created this perfect image of how perfect I hoped everything would turn out. But in this seamless creation of the mind I did not take into account the chaotic, unpredictability and unexpectedness of life. A shift in my perspective arose and my level of adaptability surprised me. I had enough of moaning, wallowing, complaining, crying, ruminating, being sad and playing the victim. I could not bear the dark cloud of my inner critic following me anymore. I was done. Within this perspective shift I added a dose of realism into my dreams.  I began to plan and note down goals I hoped to achieve. I said to myself, I would try my best. I would work hard to achieve these. If things still did not go to plan, then that was okay. Maybe I needed to tweak my plans or these things were not meant for me and I will be directed to something better.

Evaluating your: education, career, relationships (those familial and romantic), finances, appearance, intellect, faith, material possessions and lifestyle achievements against a specific age is not always helpful. The pressure of meeting a certain achievement within a time barrier can lead to a lot of distress. You begin to question your self-worth. Is it just me who does not have it together? Is it just me, who is the failure? You have it plenty together and you are not a failure. If you really want to use time influenced goals, then use them to motivate you and push you to live to your full potential. Note down what you want to achieve in every sphere of life and make tangible plans to meet these. You may face some barriers and unexpected life events. But do not let them hinder you and keep going. Time does not have to be barrier.

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