2016 is over and 2017 has just begun. In typical end of year
fashion, social media became saturated with “being single” memes/posts and
statuses. To the masses these posts are seen as light-hearted jokes but, in
actuality they reflect bitterness and a deep seeded insecurity.
Why is singledom surrounded by an air of negativity? Singledom doesn’t equal single-doom. Value seems to be only attached to being part of one type of
relationship. Yet, we forget that love isn’t one-dimensional. Our human
connections are layered. In the form of friends and family we have the
opportunity to express the different parts of ourselves. Often, what we look to
find in a significant other (SO) is something that needs to be revived in
existing relationships or forged in new friendships.
However, even in taking into account the multi-layered
nature of love, our hearts still agonize until they find that one connection.
My struggle consisted of a permanent wearing of couple
goggles. All I would see, were couples; holding hands, dining out together, in
the cinemas, on the train, in the supermarket etc. When I thought I’d escaped
from this and turned to the online world, I would see the: couple selfies, gushing
testimonials for a SO, engagement announcements, wedding pictures etc. Even in
conversations with other people I felt all they would talk about were there SO’s. The couple googles had become superglued onto
my face. They just wouldn’t come off!
I started to feel more and more like I was truly alone.
Everyone else had found someone. Some had made life-long commitments and were
on this new, exciting adventure. Then there was me, stepping into my
mid-twenties and not even close to a relationship. At, times this got me down,
affected my confidence and self-belief. I felt everything else in my life was
somewhat moving in the right direction, but this aspect of my life left me
feeling empty. I was always a guest at a wedding, would I ever be the bride?
I started to deeply think about this. My mind went to
extremes. My inner critic had a list prepared telling me how I wasn’t good
enough for anyone to want to pursue a relationship with me. I wasn’t thin
enough. I wasn’t pretty enough. I wasn’t interesting enough. I was boring. I
wasn’t likeable. I was too awkward. I was too weird. But, as I looked through
the magnifying glass towards my inner self, I began to unravel all the things
that made me, me. I looked into my past: relationships (family, friends and
others), upbringing and life experiences (turning points/difficult events).
After examining my past, I reflected over my present and what I wanted from my
future. I began to understand who I was as a person and made changes to live a
life that were rich and meaningful to me. This more empowered, secure version of
me began to take control.
In this more enlightened state I revisited the realm of
relationships. I looked deeply at myself, my: personality, traits, attributes,
flaws, passions, interests, ambitions etc. In knowing myself, the vision of my
future life became clearer and I saw the type of relationship I wanted to be
in. Yet, in this fresh perspective, I still encountered barriers and set-backs.
When presented with challenges, I was reminded that old habits die hard. The
feelings of loneliness and isolation were refreshed. The relationship goggles
started to come back on again.
Most importantly, my faith reminded me that having trust in God was comprised of two parts: taking action and prayer. In trying to live by these conditions, I began to accept that in the immediacy what I was wanting wasn’t happening right now, but that was okay. Maybe, this wasn't a part of my journey right now and there were things I still needed to figure out. Alongside learning to exercise patience in this roller coaster of life I was not going to forget to live. Self-fulfillment, living with meaning and purpose would become my personal mantras. I understood that there is a greater tapestry to my life. My present is a part of a working tapestry that has yet to be completed.
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